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Parenting Is Difficult

by B. Bryan Post PhD, LCSW


(NC)-The following five points are guideposts from which you may derive some insight into your child's behavior. Use these points in the hope that they will possibly permit reaping greater enjoyment from your relationship with your child.

Point #1: "There are only two primary emotions - love and fear." Thus, it is critically important to recognize fear in our children. Fear cannot be overcome with coercion, threat or force; these only breed more fear.

Point # 2: "Learn to listen to behavior rather than control it." We may seek to control the behavior of our children because it makes us uncomfortable. Children are born with the spirit to be perfect and whole, and to be in harmony with love. We must take great care not to insist on behavior, but rather to listen carefully to it and respond with calming influence when it stems from fear - and with love when it stems from love.

Point # 3: "Discipline begins with the parent". Parents must take responsibility for becoming disciplined persons in their own lives, and by example to teach this to their children. Undisciplined parents cannot expect to teach discipline to their children.

Point # 4: "The only change that we can make in our interactions with others is centered within ourselves." Understanding this enables us to be able to change in ways that brings about the natural, positive changes we are seeking in our children but must first create within ourselves.

Point #5: "Parents are not perfect". When we realize and accept that we are not perfect, and when we are both strong and humble enough to apologize, we give our children a great gift. Working to be a better parent from a place that both accepts our mistakes and encourages growth will, in time, reap the benefits of a well-behaved, well-regulated and peaceful child.

Parenting is difficult - but keeping these things in mind will help now, and in the future.

B. Bryan Post PhD, LCSW an internationally recognized expert in the treatment of children and families struggling with issues related to trauma, attachment and bonding is the co-author of Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control: A love-based approach to he



Thu, Apr 02, 2009 6:23pm

i have a 13 year old daughter, who is now a teenanger and i have read these 5 points and found them vary interesting and helped me in the advice i needed, at this moment in time , with my daughter. thanks.

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